Merry Christmas from C's World

I LOVE Christmas. I love all the smell of roasted chicken, Jollof rice, cake, Alcohol and do you know that you can eat as much as you want? No guilt. This is the time I would eat salad with cream in it and not feel guilty. And do you know that the taste of Xmas jollof rice is very different? Yes it is indeed. I love knackered family traditions that make no sense but would be sacrilege to break. I like churches and all the Christmas carols. I like drinking an entire bottle of chocolate baileys and pretend its hot chocolate. (Think about it.it really is).

Christmas is the best time of the year and I would tell you why.

Bloody Mad Dates: December is the best month for dating. Firstly, there’s this need to  pack everything in. people are so obsessed with seeing each other or ‘catching up’ before Christmas as if none of us would make it to January 1^st. (oh well sadly some might not) but I know me you and yours would. *wink wink*

Have you tried going to a club the night before Xmas? The atmosphere is dizzying. They’re all there to squeeze in one final hot fling before they get on their way to destination wherever to spend time with their families and loved ones.

Buying Yourself a Present: I mean why not spend on yourself anyway. You deceive it. You worked hard all year long. So no guilt darling. Just do it.

Flirty, Bored Texts: In the empty stretch of time between Boxing Day and New Year’s Eve, you’ll find yourself with a lot of free time. Good time to catch up on your correspondence, messaging all those crushes you haven’t had time for and flirting with just about anyone.

Getting Really Drunk for 31 Days: Oh well from 1 December to 1 January, it is expected. Have you noticed that’s when there are more alcohol sponsored events? Oh you didn't notice; okay sorry. December is the time you don’t have to apologize for drunkenness, fancy dressing and over familiarity. And better still if you have no boo then you feel less guilty when you indulge.

Telling the Truth: Don’t know how this came about, but for some reason people think Christmas is about ‘telling the truth’. I’m all about honesty so go on. People also think it’s a time for forgiveness. (Why do you have to wait till the end of the year to forgive someone?). It’s just a month of unnecessary retrospect, a time to think about everything you've done in the past year and come to some sort of conclusion about what it all means.

If you’re single, you don’t have to give your heart to someone at risk that the very next day they will give it away. And THEN the next year you have to hang out with them because you have the same circle of friends.

Whatever happens, ENJOY December. Yes there are only a few days left but either ways ENJOY. I’ll see you down the pub for a bottle of Henny. I’m the joyful chick in a Santa hat, flirting with just about everyone *tongue-out*

Thank you to all my lovely subscribers and followers. Apparently I have more subscribers on this blog than followers. And to all of you who always comment. Your comments are very encouraging. Kisses to u all.

On that note, I bid you goodbye, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from C’s World. See you in the next year. Kisses.

Xoxo Chantel. 

Size. What does it Matter?!

Like seriously, is it a competition or is it just from insecurity?

Every time a guy tells me how big his ding dong is and how great of a sex partner he is, it just makes me laugh. Like honestly what’s the point really? If I haven’t asked you, why in the world are you telling me? Infact why are you trying to convince me of how great you are in bed? Are you trying to convince me or is it yourself you are trying to convince? Because all that talk just makes you look pathetic and makes me laugh.

Oh did I also say it makes you look very INSECURE? Yeah I think I already said that, but to send it home again, IT MAKES YOU LOOK INSECURE. Get my drift now? Good.

Honestly, I do not mean to dick shame, but it just always amuses me when I hear a man brag about his penis size, feeling all boastful and proud. Honey, you did nothing to deserve that dick...you were just born with it. It’s a penis size not a damn Pulitzer, so stop talking so much about it.  Spare us the proud parent act and just accomplish something with it.

You need to remember that a woman’s vagina is talented enough to expand to fit the size of any dick. So when a guy brags about his penis size, I’m just like, DARLING, SILENCE PLEASE, THE BURDEN OF THE BIG DICK IS NOT YOURS TO CARRY.

Sometimes a too big dick is maybe the only time size might take sex right off the table, and perhaps a small dick the size of my pinkie as well. The thing is, if it’s larger than a bread box, and as small as a pea, then we’re going to have a problem. Trust me no woman is confused when it comes to the size in your pants. At that point, she definitely knows what she wants (at least I do).

Basically, I think your size shouldn't really matter honestly. What you should be more worried about is finding your groove and how you can rock it, because big dick does not equal to good sex. My wish for men is that they wouldn’t stress over their size because unlike boobs, your penis size is not going to change. However, the only thing which can is what you do with it and that applies to all sizes and shapes.

So I spoke to some men regards this topic and they all think we women are the reason why they need to convince us of the size. Anyway, I feel that what all men (women) should focus on, is how they make their partner feel, and how they feel with their partner. Ladies please please give the small sized fellows a chance before writing them off completely. But if it feels like a pen in-between your legs, then please send that man out your door…Infact drive him home if you have to. And to the guys in the middle, please stop worrying about how you measure up or not. At the end, it all balls down to chemistry and movement, and not length and girth.

PS: To the one who says for someone who isn't having sex I sure do talk a lot about sex…errmmm its called abstinence not virginity. And I don’t see anything wrong about talking about it. It’s not a forbidden word.

As always stay beautiful

Xoxo Chantel 

The Unpleasables

Forgive my absence..work has being kicking me left, right, centre.

It hurts when the realisation hits you that when it comes to certain people or a certain someone in your life, nothing and I mean absolutely nothing, zilch is ever enough. You could literally walk over hot coal, have fireworks shooting out of your ears, agree with everything that they say and they’ll do the equivalent of, ‘you missed a spot…’

Nothing is ever enough with The Unpleasables and if you try to do ‘everything’ you will only burst the hell out of your boundaries- they’re just not that special!

I know sometimes it feels like it’s the most natural thing to be a people pleaser because it’s all you know and you equate happiness and worthiness with pleasing people all of the time and associate other people’s displeasure with a sense of you being inadequate. Sometimes you have this feeling that it’s you. But the truth is:

You can’t please everyone all of the time and also these shenanigans aren’t about you, your worth or ‘inadequacies’.

The thing is Unpleasables are aware of their perennial dissatisfaction and inappropriate expectations (but they continue anyway even though they are not exactly meeting other people’s expectations including yours). Unpleasables don’t realise that the way in which they interact with people and express gratitude (that’s if they manage to) or their discontent gives the firm impression that they’re hell-bent on never being happy.

The Unpleaseables have this notion or crazy idea that ‘everyone’ is responsible for their satisfaction. See trying to please an Unpleasable is essentially like throwing all your energy into the abyss and while you break your back and all just trying to gain their attention, love and approval, you completely deplete you of everything.

What these kind of people fail to recognise is that they need to look inward and examine their own behaviour and the way in which they conduct their lives instead of blaming everyone else and trying to enforce their ‘entitlements’. 

Pleasing people all the time would cause you to do things for the wrong reason and ultimately, you’re not living your life but theirs. A person who cannot be pleased is the same person who has little gratitude for the things they have because they always focus on what they don’t have and what they don’t have is distorted anyway because they never acknowledge and appreciate what they do have and the efforts of others in the first place.

Stop trying to be perfect in the hope that they would cut you some slack- cut yourself some slack. You’re human not a machine. Even machines crash sometimes.

 This is your life and it’s time to get into the business of learning how to please you and meet your own needs. Your role in life isn’t to be an scapegoat or to be kicked to make someone else feel better about their own turmoil. So next time if it’s out of your way or it’s not something you want to do, just say NO. It’s okay to say NO sometimes.   

As always stay beautiful

Xoxo Chantel

'I Can Change Him Syndrome'

The ‘I can change him’ syndrome occurs when a woman focuses all of her energies on fixing anything she deems to be incorrect about her man. So basically, like a house, you renovate your man and if you’re lucky, you get to hold onto him, but sometimes that man may just get cocky and put himself up on the market for a new lady owner because after you've finished making him attractive to you, he’s grown wings and become attractive to a lot of other women too!

This is you if:

Who you say you’d like to be with and who you end up with are poles apart.

You may have you ideal man in mind but you can’t wait for him because you need the reassurance of a male attention.

You’re quite critical.

You’re insecure and crave attention.

Some people are critical and run in the opposite direction, but as a super woman and the fact that you see yourself as a ‘property developer’, you decide to stay and give your ‘house’ an extreme makeover.

Ehem continue oh. You’re now Florence Nightingale turned Jesus yeah. I mean imagine if a man bestowed his interest in you despite the fact that he thought you may be beneath him or not as attractive, or have as many qualities as the other women he has dated. So he decides to make you his pet DIY project. Would you thank him for treating you less or would you rather run in the opposite direction? I believe you would do the latter.

No matter what good intentions you think you have, the message that gets sent when you try to turn him into you DIY project is ‘I am not satisfied with you and you are not good enough in your present state’.

The big question I want to ask at this point is: Why the hell are you with this guy? And why don’t you just find a man more on your ‘level’ and put this poor guy out of his misery? Even if it appears that he is happy with what you are asking of him, it just takes that one extra request, or a change in your tone or attitude for things to go south and for him to recognize your behavior for what it is. Trying to build a man from the ground up is a project that you should really shy away from. If you can’t accept him for what he is and are living off potential, you will always be miserable.

And of course, there is the distinct possibility that the relationship will flounder and someone else will reap the benefit of your hard work, which is a lot pisser because unlike a house, there is no financial reward. If his new relationship works, they won’t be looking to change him as you have done the work already. What they would be doing is enjoying the fruits of your labor. They would thank you for your extreme makeover and enjoy the man he has become. Thanks to you. It’s a vicious circle really.

As usual stay beautiful. 

xoxo Chantel. 

Getting Dumped: From My Perspective

PS: It’s my view so pardon me for speaking about it only from my own perspective. So if you get confused just go back and read the title. 

Breaking up for many is a hard task. It’s hard for both parties really. The initiator and the reactor. Personally, I have been on both sides of the slate, and I would have to say it’s painful on both ends. But I must say that it totally sucks when you are the reactor because half the time, you don’t even have a clue it’s coming.

So let me explain both terms to you for better understanding. The INITIATOR and REACTOR. The two opposite poles in the breaking up process. The initiator is most commonly known as the dumper/ jerk/ asswipe/ bitch/ idiot/ gold-digger…you name it. While the reactor on the other end is the dumpee, more commonly known as the Great girl/guy that you let go off.

The reason why you decide to break up are usually varied, but essentially, could contain any or more of the following:

1. One of you cheated and got caught. (mind you cheating is cheating regardless of the type).
2. Both of you grew apart; had different goals and life expectations.
3. One of you got cold feet; wasn't ready to take it to the next level, or stay in this one.
4. One person has commitment phobia.

Now if you are the reactor/dumpee, it’s pretty hard to believe that home boy is calling it quits. It’s almost always surreal, like you are living outside of your body watching his mouth as he lets the words slip out, telling you why both of you can’t be together. Inside you are screaming, crying, railing and wrapping your fingers around his neck, trying to get him to shut up. But outside you are frozen in place, heart beating fast, hoping that in a few minutes he will break into a laugh and tell you it’s all a joke. None of these happen and eventually, and you face reality.

At this point is usually where your reaction sets in. For me, it’s usually a delayed response. I want to be dramatic and throw a fit but being the diva that I am, I simply can’t. I tend to just smile, say okay and bye. Why exit so quickly? Oh well, because if I stay one minute too late, I know like I just know I would be bawling all over his shoulder, and begging him to change his mind. And a big girl would not do that (big girls don’t cry). So I exit as gracefully as I can and take my tears to the safety of my bedroom and pillow, and I call up that dear friend who would listen to me rant. (You’re reading this and you know yourself) *wink wink*

However, if you are the initiator, it’s relatively easier but just a tad. Since you know the relationship is about to end, you would have probably spent a few days/weeks/months thinking about how you’re going to do it and what you are going to say. You've already to some extent, started the grieving process so you are now more emotionally prepared.

For pit’s sake don’t offer me the ‘let’s be friends’ line. Please don’t I DO NOT want to be your friend. If I wanted to be your friend, I wouldn't have given you my heart in the first place. Being your friend isn't a condolence prize…sorry hun you lost the relationship jackpot but let’s be friends. Grrrr!

You have just turned my world upside down in matter of minutes…nothing you say or do right then is going to make me feel any better short of you dropping dead. Also don’t try and get an emotional response from me (some guys would say ‘say something’…ermmm like what please?). If I’m not giving you any, chances are I’m holding on to my sheer force of will. So casting blame on me or trying to goad me is only going to make me snap…and oh boy you most certainly don’t want that.

My suggestion: say what you need to say and take a step quickly because darling, that way they won’t have to scrape your remains off the floor. (And the violent taketh by force) LMAO. 

As usual stay beautiful 

xoxo Chantel.

He's bad in bed!

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I think we’d all like to say that every guy we’ve slept with was an amazing lover, but let’s be frank here, if you've slept with a few people, there’s been at least one bad lover. Just think about it. However, remember that it takes two to tango. You can’t just lie there like a sack of potatoes and expect him to do all of the work without communicating if you dislike something he’s doing or not and then at the end label him a shit lover in-between the sheets. (Why you wanna be mean?)

So basically, once you've established the fact that two can indeed tango, sometimes there is no escaping the fact that he really does suck at it. But why anyone would want to date a dude whose so rubbish in bed is beyond me.

Okay okay let’s not judge. He might be drunk, distracted or upset at the time. So if you want to increase your chances of a decent seeing-to, I suggest you optimise the situation. Although, some men don’t have their performance hindered by the effects of drugs or alcohol. But some just flop out. Or maybe it was too soon? It’s likely that if you don’t know each other that well and haven’t built a true connection, no matter how much you lust after his six pack or how big his **** is, or think he’s charming, he or both of you may find that when naked, it’s not that sexy. Not every man is wired to screw you in a heartbeat. Some men are more emotional than the usual hump you and dump you and regular shagger sorts!

Don’t let him pump you like he was in horse race. If you aren’t enjoying it, don’t stay mute. Okay I get it, you’re not the vocal type in the bedroom but did you try to point him in the right direction? Wince or literally change position? Some of his previous partners may have liked being ridden like they’re in the Grand National. So with that typical male ego, he assumes that everybody likes his techniques. *clears throat* Error.

But hold up! Are you saying his a bad lover because you didn't have an orgasm? *clears throat* lucky you if you come all the time. No wonder you have such high expectations. But just know that you can actually have good sex without having an orgasm all the time.

Or maybe you have given him the impression that his superman in bed? See I’m all for encouraging and managing egos sometimes, but there is something called constructive encouragement and then taking the piss and creating your own demise. Why would you keep telling someone they are great at something when they’re not, and then wonder what to do about the fact that they’re bad at it?! You have only made the task of improving the situation harder because now you have to undo your lies and think of how to put him on reverse.

My advice: instead of admitting you told a lie, start introducing new things to try out in the bedroom with the excuse of spicing things up. If you can’t tell him or even show him how to turn you on, how do you expect him to find out? By osmosis?

Okay don’t shoot me for what am about to say, but really have you for a second considered the fact that he may think you’re bad in bed? Yeah I know it didn't cross your mind. But unless you are with one of those egotistical guys who thinks that by waving his willy in any woman’s direction will induce an orgasm, he may not be enjoying the sex either! This means neither of you are communicating your needs to find a way to communicate what you need, feel and desire.

Remember sex is not the be all and end all of a relationship, but it is important. So if you aren’t enjoying it say something. Shake your bori.

As usual stay beautiful

Xoxo Chantel.

20 Random Facts About Moi

I got tagged by the ever so beautiful Toin. So I am obliged to do a 20 random fact tag about my beautiful self. Yes I know you have being dying to know about me cause am awesome like that. If you say I lie go call police. Read and enjoy. 

1. I cannot I repeat cannot do without internet. Like when I don’t have internet I feel like my whole world would collapse.
2. Sometimes I am wayyyyy tooooo hard on myself. But yet I also think I don’t push myself hard enough. 
3.  At first glance I come across as bitchy but once you get to know me am a total clown and sweetheart.
   
   
4. I never read M and B as a teenager or ever in my life.
5. I am totally addicted to eating cucumber and yogurt. Let me also be clear on the fact that I combine both of them together to eat. oh yes am weird like that.
6. I never go a night without drinking green tea.
7. I am 100% a shoes addict.
8. I am totally addicted to texting so my fingers are always going at my phone. I only call when it is necessary.
9. I drink my water or coke with loads and loads of ice-cubes so I can chew on the ice afterwards. It takes the grace of God for me not to lose my manners and start chewing the ice in my drink when am out. 
10. I loveee watching thrillers and horror movies.
11. Snakes are my worst fear.
12. I am a real foodie in the sense that I enjoy cooking and eating. But if you beg me I will give you..lol.
13. I have a thing for the colors white and yellow.
14. Everyone calls me by my middle name Chantel but my first name is Martha.
15. I have a love/hate relationship with sleep.
16. I can’t pronounce the word ENTHUSIASTIC loud I sound totally hilarious when I try.
17. I can’t read a full paragraph of Pidgin English. I totally get lost.
18. As much as I love watching thriller and horrors, those are also my favourite kinda reads when it comes to books.
19.  I’m the only one in my entire family without a native name. Have no idea why. 
20. I don’t have any matching bra and knickers.

I would go on but the instruction said 20 so there you go. You now know a little something something about the ever awesome person behind this blog. Now go and write your own 20 random facts about yourself and with that am going to tag Missytees, HD, Cherrywine, Elsieisy, Princelaj.

As usual stay beautiful and read my blog *wink wink*

Xoxo Chantel

Body Count- Is it necessary?

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You know there used to be a time when people were very uncomfortable talking about sex openly but now it seems like that’s the ‘new cool’. I judge not. Am just amazed at how everyone is now being so open about it. (ermm no am not tbh)  Okay we are all sinners…shikena. Anyway so this post is as a result of some #NHBi thing I saw on Twitter… (Mind you I have no idea what #NHBi stands for so please don’t ask).

 Do guys care about how many people you have slept with? I would say that is a resounding YES. Call it Ego, the other 25% that makes up men’s bodies after water, but most guys seem to have some level of discomfort regarding how many people their significant other has been with. I would guess it’s because they would like to think that they are the only one you've had (can be possible), and failing that, the biggest and the best you've ever had. Due to our fears of repercussions and looking less like the virgin Mary to our beloved’s, most women have some level of discomfort saying just how many people they have been with. Which means they would undercount to a number that suits their significant other’s ears. Never fear ladies…he has probably inflated his number as well.

A guy likes to feel or think perhaps that you are ‘his’ as it is a macho instinct which is ingrained into the male wiring system. Now he can go ahead and do two things with this instincts, which is one, to act on it and be an assclown with his expectations that his woman should either be a virgin or have slept with very few people (which again i say can be possible). Or, he can have this instinct but keep it in check because in the real world, short of meeting a woman at 18, there tends to be a level of sexual history that has been gathered.

Where the double standard kicks in though, is that often than not a guy racked up some big digits with sexual partners, but STILL somehow manages to think that his woman should be holier than thou.

My take personally, I don’t think that you should be discussing how many people you've slept with, because quite frankly, no matter what number either of you say beyond zero, or one, one or both of you won’t take the answers well. If you have had previous sexual partners, you should both be discussing things from the safe sex point of view (i.e. when were either of you last tested?) but I fail to see what knowing the ‘magic number’ is going to do for either one of you. (Not unless you can use it to collect money from the bank, then by all means please probe very hard so we can share the money).

I think people have a tendency to fall into the honesty zone with relationships where people think that being in a relationship means that you should spill the beans on every little iota of your life, and do it whilst you’re sitting on the toilet doing #2 with the door wide open. Give me a break please! You don’t have less of a relationship by knowing exactly how many people your partner has slept with. You would certainly find out through conversations when your partner lost their virginity and the exes they have, so you can do the math without plugging their fingers in a lie detector and demanding answers.

Failing all of these, he who ask first, spills first. ‘Dems be the rules’

Before you go i did a post titled why won't you love me baby? and one of my dear readers suggested i do another post on how one can explore their hidden emotions. I had read a post by Elsieisy which i thought would go be helpful for someone looking to move on from lost love. To read post click Here

As usual stay beautiful.

Why are you single

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People sure know how to ask stupid questions really. But as a single person, with time yeah you become fodder for oodles of stupidity because for some reason your life is seen as being less than that of someone who is attached. I am of the opinion that some people who are attached are secretly envious of singles as we are footloose and fancy free. However, this doesn't stop me from having the urge to want to scream at the next person that asks me ‘why are you single’

As much as I hate to say it but am thinking like ‘don’t these twits realize that if I had an answer to this question, I wouldn't be single? How long is a piece of string? What do these people expect me to say really?

I don’t like to give blowjobs

Am a chick with a dick

I just got out of prison

I act like an innocent woman by day and act like a psychotic bitch at night

This is a mask and underneath it am an alien

I don’t know really but those are the kind of stupid answers I have to the question ‘why are you single’

Am a pretty outgoing woman, has loads of friends, has all her teeth complete, takes care of her appearance, ambitious, wants to have kids and settle down some day, used to have bad taste in men but that has changed now (hopefully) after past experiences and by all accounts is a good catch. There could be a number of reasons why am single but I doubt that any of them are a bad thing. I have dated, I’ve had fun, I have cocked it up from time to time, but by not engaging in a serious relationship for awhile or so, I’ve been spared the mercy of some of the aggravation some of my coupled friends have. However, I hope the next time am in a relationship it would be a good choice.

I sometimes feel for single people who don’t have the balls like some people do, to tell people who ask silly questions like this or make them feel uncomfortable to go take a run and jump. Coupled people are projecting their own fear of being single when they ask BS questions or treat single people like social pariahs. There are some people who are unhappy with their singleness and feel extremely miserable with it, and maybe if I was single for 10years I would feel the same way too, but a lot of people who are unhappy with their singleness haven’t been single for that long they just hate being ‘alone’. They validate themselves based on how coupled they are and that’s where the questioners and doubters come creeping in. 

My advice: laugh in the face of people who ask silly questions and more, and tell them that you’re single because you’re single and if you knew why, you would either be attached or have made millions from writing a book about being single. Don’t justify, don’t make excuses and remind them that you don’t ask why they are still with their significant other or even why they are still alive. Most importantly, don’t let them get to you. Enjoy yourself. When you’re washing your future significant other’s skid marked boxers *yes that’s pretty gross*, or you’ve got the kids you absolutely adore screaming their heads off and you have baby puke all over you, or you never got to go out anymore because your life is a mass of couple commitments, you’ll remember these words. Hopefully.

So until then enjoy being single and as usual stay beautiful always.

Before you log off from this page please take the time to follow this blog for easy updates. Thank you muahhh xoxo 

Close your legs

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With great power comes great responsibility. So I think it’s time some girls (me included) started taking responsibility for some men being ‘Jerks’. Frankly, there is more to a girl demanding respect for herself instead of just screaming at guys when they act like…well GUYS.

Am tired of girls whining about how a guy ‘wronged’ them when they give the guy a reason to be stupid by sleeping with him almost immediately. Especially when this guy makes it clear that he doesn’t want to have a relationship with you. It’s a whole different ball game if the guy has been leading you on for a while, dating you, acting interested for a while and then disappears after sex. At this point you can call him whatever name you want. He deserves it. But not when you have been the one making all the moves and seeing his  ‘am not interested signals’ written boldly on his head, but you still put head and he sleeps with you and forgets you; you get upset and start calling him all kinds of names. At this point na only you waka come.

Some girls truly don’t get it really. No matter how many times a guy tells them they don’t want a relationship, they are of the notion that their VeeGaGa is golden and the minute they give it up, the guy would automatically become starstruck into wanting them or loving them, and that he would become prince charming all of a sudden. Or their knight in shining armour.

Some girls seem to think that if they have sex with a guy, it automatically means that he would be committed to them, when they don’t get their way they throw a fit and blame the guy for behaving badly. I guess that’s easier than admitting they were the ones who acted very stupid and got themselves in that situation in the first place.

See, guys are fascinated by something- It’s called SEX. If you drop your pants and lay it out before a guy, trust me his going to take you up on your offer. Does this mean his an asshole? No, it means his a guy.

Guys are red-blooded creatures with plenty of testosterone and because of their hormones, they would always crave sex whether they last had it 10 years ago or 10 mins ago. You have to remember that sex is not something you do to score a relationship. It’s something you do with a man who already cares about you.

One thing you have to remember is – guys like girls, want something of value. They would assume that if you’re giving it freely now, you probably have in the past. So close your leg until you are 100% certain about a guy. If you feel he would leave you if you don’t give it to him, great let him go. That’s not the kind of guy you want to be with anyway. (The hit and run).

As usual stay beautiful. xoxo

Things you shouldn't give up for love or a relationship

Love for me isn’t being with someone who makes you feel weak, like you can’t do anything without them. No one needs love that would keep reminding them of their weaknesses. Instead find love that knows your weaknesses but still tells you you’re strong. Love that encourages you. Makes you feel strong and when you fall picks you up and tells you it’s okay to fall. A love that makes you feel like you can conquer the world even when down.

It’s important to remember what you should NEVER give up for love or a relationship. And that’s what this is about. A reminder for me and you.

1. YOUR IMPERFECT MAGNIFICENCE

It’s not hard for someone to tell you ‘I love you’ but it’s hard to find someone who means it. But eventually you would find that someone and until then, you shouldn’t have to settle. Find someone who isn’t afraid to tell you they miss you when they actually do. Because people can tell you they ‘miss you’ cos that’s what you want to hear. Someone who knows you’re not perfect but wants to be with you anyway. Someone who says ‘I love you’ and proves it day in day out. Someone who sees you when you wake up in the morning without make-up and your hair all messy but smiles cause to them you are still beautiful.

Remember, to the people who truly love you, you are magnificent already.

2. THE RIGHT TO DECIDE YOURSELF

Don’t and I mean DON’T put the keys to your happiness, peace of mind and growth into the pockets of someone else. Relationships are not about authority and obedience; they’re agreements of respect and love. You can’t shouldn’t live your entire life through someone else’s fantasies. You should be able to do you. Give but don’t allow yourself to be used. Listen to those who love you, but DON’T lose track of your inner voice.

3. YOUR INNATE HUMAN NEEDS TO BE UNDERSTOOD

There is nothing honestly as beautiful as being understood and being able to understand someone else. Even when there are disagreements, every healthy relationship should have this mutual understanding- a loving space filled with listening and compromise.

So remember to listen without defending and speaking without offending. Communication isn’t just an important part of a relationship, it is the relationship.

4. THE FREEDOM TO LOVE

Love is the creative force of the universe. It is important in everyone’s life. When it is present in our lives, we feel happier, more optimistic and fulfilled. Without it, we are angry, cynical, resentful people; critical of others and ourselves, effectively squashing the greatness that exist within us, and diminishing our own light.

So open your heart and let love out. Love yourself. Love people. Love experiences. And let go of those people who try to stop you.

5. THE COURAGE AND WILLINGNESS TO EXPERIMENT WITH LIFE

To truly live, you must lose your fear of being wrong. You have to remember that doing something and getting it wrong, is a million times better than doing at all. Even when things seem not to work out, they do. Because in the end, experience is what you get and like the saying goes ‘experience is the best teacher’. You may not get what you wanted, but experience is the most valuable thing you can give.

So don’t be timid and squeamish about your choices. Don’t let someone scare you out of failing forward. All of life is an experiment.

6. YOUR JOY

Never let anything or anyone get in the way of your joy. Live a life that sizzles and makes you laugh out loud every day. Every day may not be beautiful but don’t let that phase you because the joy is your alive and that counts. Because you don’t want to get to the end and realize that your life is a collection of meetings and errands and receipts and empty promises.

So sing out loud in the shower *my fav time of the day*, in your car. Throw parties, hang with friends approach that chic you’re not sure off *you won’t die if she says no* tell that dude who makes u cry to sod off. Write a book, poetry or song. Just be happy and keep living and laughing and making God glad he gave life to someone who truly loves and cherishes the gift.

7. OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS INCLUDING THE ONE YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF

If a relationship is closing you up from the world, making you feel bad about yourself; it’s time to let go. It’s time to choose love over deception. After all, that’s what love is all about – freedom.

So don’t blame love if a relationship is interfering with other important relationships, or robbing you or your self-esteem or your freedom. It isn’t love that’s stealing from you. Its possession, obsession, manipulation, and confusion. Love has nothing to do with your situation. Love doesn’t close the door on happiness and liberty, it opens it wide to let more in.

It is easier to fill the empty space within your life where someone use to be, than fill the empty space within yourself where YOU use to be.

8. YOUR INNER PEACE AND COMPOSURE

No matter how awesome you are in life, some people would still say you’re not good enough. People would still upset you, disrespect you and treat you badly. Let them be. Hatred and negativity filling your heart and mind, will only consume you and your potential. You will begin to heal and grow emotionally when you let go of these past hurts, excuse the people who have wronged you, and forgive yourself for misjudgements.

Bottom Line: learning to ignore certain people and situations is one of the great paths to inner peace. So let GO when you must. Let them be so you can have your peace of mind intact.

What else would you add to this list?  

As usual stay beautiful. xoxo :) 

Why won't you love me baby?

Sometimes we come across people we like hoping that they would like us back. But however, this person might just be so wounded from past relationships that at the moment they are emotionally unavailable and have baggage so full it can fill an airport terminal. Even with that, we tend to think that perhaps with us it just might be different…why? Because you think you can see past their problems, and see potential in them….But hey

That’s the problem….

When someone doesn't isn't ready to be in a relationship, or they seem to have limited access to their emotions, or they seem to be terrified of intimacy to the point where they get clammy at the thought of commitment, at that point, it doesn't matter if your love is as big as an ocean or comes in a platinum case with a nice bow on it promising the sun, moon and stars or even the world. If they say they don’t want it…they just don’t want it simples. Nothing you can do about that. It doesn't matter who you are or the kind of love you offer..at that point, you could be anyone and until they resolve their issues, you will not extract a loving relationship from them. As the saying goes ‘you can drag a horse to the river, but you can’t force it to drink’

You may see past their problems and feel that you love them in spite of their baggage and may see yourself as all loving and caring and all the nice things you think you and your love can offer, but how you see you, is not how they see you.

No matter what you say or do, they perceive you, by the very fact that you’re either in a relationship with them, or hankering for one, that you want, need, or expect more than they’re prepared to be wanted, needed, and expected from.

If you've been with a Mr or Mrs unavailable, you won’t be the first person that has ever felt something for them.

Sometimes, we make the mistake of expending copious amounts of energy ‘running on the spot’ by investing ourselves and emotions into limited relationships with people that have a limited ability and capacity for love, which in turn creates a limited result.

You don’t want to be an equivalent of that pushy used car salesman that doesn't know when to back off. It doesn't translate well to relationships.

If they can’t see past their problems and insecurities, what is the point in you doing it for them? You can’t do all the loving, security, responsibility, accountability, trusting, caring, and respecting in the relationship.

They don’t have to want your love. This is not a yard sale where you think ‘it’s cheap! Someone should want it!’ ehn ehn.

The moment someone doesn't want you, you need to be asking yourself why you’re still wanting them. Period. Now don’t get me wrong, this doesn't mean you should switch off your feelings automatically but you should be coming back to earth at this point with a very loud, resounding bump.

Alarm bells should be ringing! If they’re not -my alarm bells are ringing for you!

More importantly, don’t treat your love like a hot potato that you can’t wait to offload and certainly don’t put your life on hold because you’re stuck ‘loving’ someone that doesn't love you. Their lack of interest is a red flag….Use it to extricate yourself out of what will become an even more painful situation if you don’t back off. There is better out there for you…best believe it.   

As usual stay beautiful. 

Lazy Communication

You see am the kind of girl who likes to text. Jeez I can text all day and never get tired. But I also like phone calls too. So let me be clear about something, nobody and I mean absolutely nobody is soooooo busy that they can only manage to text, email or instant message you. Somewhere along the line, people find time to call even if it’s just for a minute.

When a man relies primarily on text messaging or instant messaging as a mean of communicating with you, it’s not  because he’s a new age man, and it’s not because he is trying to manage his time effectively.

He is simply just trying to use ‘new’ forms of communication to control how both of you correspond so he can control the relationship. He wants to keep at a distance and it’s likely because he is emotionally unavailable, an assclown, or just both.

Now don’t get me wrong a man who is trying to get to know you would might start off with texting you to break the ice but eventually in that long run of trying to woo you or chase you, he would call when the ice is broken and you two are comfortable with yourselves. But if after 2months of texting he still hasn’t called? Omo babe you know nah.

When a man is too lazy to communicate with you properly, why waste the air you breathe on him? Trust me, if lazy communication exist in your relationship, there are other problems there waiting for you to open the Pandora box.

Have you ever spent loads of time analysing a text message or an email? I have oh!

Have you ever reread a text trying to gauge the meaning or read waaay more into it? Oh yes you got that right. I have!

Wondering if he has a wife or girlfriend stashed away? I have!

Wondering why you haven’t heard from him but yet he’s been active on other social networks? I have! *stalker much* lol

Texting and instant messaging, even emails too are all open to interpretation and it’s very easy to misconstrue tone. If a dude relies on these methods of communication with you, you will build sandcastles in the sky because really, when you spend your time reading into things, you can make it any relationship you want it to be.

It’s one thing if his using these forms of communication as a secondary way of communicating with you in conjunction with picking up the phone, and seeing you face to face. But you should certainly not accept these means as a primary method of communication.

Men who don’t make an effort and who aren't interested in forging a relationship with you will opt for these lazy forms of communication.

You may start out this way at first like I said, but he should want to progress the conversation and let you into his life. You don’t need to work out the why’s, where’s and how’s and you certainly should not go down the route of trying to force him to communicate with you via other means.

Why should you have to force him to do something that comes naturally to people who actually want to have a relationship and want to put both feet in?

Nobody is so busy that they can only bring themselves to call you when they need an ego massage or a shag.

Tell me what you think. Am I right? Or just over-analysing?

As usual stay beautiful

Standards and Expectations

source

It is wisdom that women need to set standards for themselves. Men respect standards. But the truth is everyone (maybe not everyone) has standards; or needs respect. Knowing yourself and what you want can be very powerful and attractive. However, unless the object of your interest is a mind-reader, better communicate and communicate clearly what you want or risk losing a great opportunity.

See often than not we tend to confuse standards and expectations although the two words are often used interchangeably. However what your standards are should be different from what your expectations are. Standards is how you conduct yourself and expectations is how others act. More like how you expect others to act towards you.

From that definition yeah it would be safe to say that a woman’s standards would be that she would not have sex on the first date, or she would pay for her own cab or something else. While for a guy it may be that he would pay for dinner and not let you chip in, or that he won’t call you as often as you would want so it doesn't seem like his bothering you. These are all behaviors we expect from ourselves.

Now expectations on the other hand is the behavior we want from others. Say for example, you as a woman would expect a man to arrive on time to pick you up for a date and expect him to call when his going to be late. Or say open the car door for her. P.S. he has to be extremely old fashioned to open your car door because men of this generation would not. (Now that’s too much expectation if u ask me. #just saying I might be wrong). While a man might be expecting a woman to have sex with him on the first date. (Error...Lool).

In dating, when two people’s standards and expectations are in alignment, there would be no issues. However, if it’s not the case there is bound to be problems.

This is where communication comes in. communication is very important. Regardless of whether you are dating or thinking about it. There is no point sending mixed signals or false notions. Just say what you expect and state it clearly. Like make sure you are both on the same page and you understand yourselves. Like I said earlier ‘your object of interest is not a mind-reader. I repeat NOT a mind-reader.

Admittedly, how someone deals with the information you have provided them based on your expectations, would give you valuable insight into his/her standards, and how interested he/she is in connecting with you.

We have to keep in mind that expectations does not guarantee that we would get the results we want; and if left unchecked, can result into us getting our feelings hurt or being lonely. Sometimes it’s okay to be flexible. But just be careful with your flexibility. We should allow our expectations to be guidelines and food for conversations and not hard and fast rules. Temper them with compassion, curiosity and judgement; and give time for good communication before we make the final decision. Sometimes, you might find out that the man of your dreams didn't want to offend you so he arrived early for a date or the woman of your dream doesn't believe in ‘Dutch’ on the first date. At the end of the day yeah what really matters is if the reward is good enough.

Have your standards, just don’t let your standards have you.       

As usual stay beautiful always.

Change

     

They say you cannot step into the same water twice. True that. So for those of you who are wondering why I keep changing my blog look or whatever, please forgive me, am sorry. But am only trying to make it look better and sound better and have interesting stuff for you people to read so I don’t bore you. So many thanks to Toperants, a female 'blog consultant' and entrepreneur. Infact forgerabout she has plenty titles. Anyway, after a conversation ‘blog consulting’ with her…..loll I decided to take a closer look at my blog again. My idea about blogging was really just to express myself but also make it interesting. But after talking abi chatting (on twitter) with her, I decided to have some sort of focus on my blog. So basically, as a singleton, I talk a lot about relationships (yes they are very overrated) and the single life so that’s mostly what am going to be blogging about. Am not a relationship expert oh (if I was I won’t be single) but at least I can tell you what experience has taught me and the experiences of other people I know; who have been kind enough to share it with me and allow me to blog about it as well.

But you know how life can be sometimes abi, it has many hooks and turns oh so I would also rant yes rant about happenings in the world and life in general. Seeing that everywhere we look these days is one bad news or the other (now I know why I don’t really watch the news or listen to it) too much bad news it’s saddening. Anyway am looking to hold heads and hearts together with words, and write with the hope and passion that one person will  be better because he /she reads what I write.

So please follow me and tell you friends to follow me and their friends and friends’ friend. Thank you and enjoy the ride. As usual stay beautiful. 

Nigeria our country

Long post alert!

I don’t bother but I don’t get it either. So I’m trying to understand it. Politics that is. See I never saw myself as a politically knowledgeable person and it never bothered me if people thought I was dumb in that area. I hated government in school, I would rather sit in home economics or food and nutrition class from morning till night and never get bored. However, this whole politics thing, there is just so much back and forth to it. The issue of who should run ‘our country’ and I use that term very lightly, whose way is the ‘right way’, which president is responsible for which failure, how we should handle our enemies overseas and blah blah blah. Just plenty talk. It’s rather ironic how I like puzzles but I hate complicated shit and this whole politics of a thing is just one complicated puzzle in a nutshell.

How do we raise our children to understand and support ‘our’ country and make decisions about a government that doesn't make any sense anymore? A country we ourselves are trying to understand. Absolutely ridiculous.

Over the years as I am growing up and learning, one thing I have always heard repeated over and over again, ‘keep it simple’. Sounds easy doesn't it? So what is our problem, our leaders? The way we think? What really? Isn’t this country known as the giant of Africa? Or has it changed?

‘Keep it simple’ they say. We have a constitution and a country founded on God, community and the masses, so why can’t we just stop complicating things. God was part of this amazing country long before the cry-babies (BH and others) want him removed from it. Tough shit, Welcome to Nigeria. Our dearly beloved country, where everything from killings, kidnapping of children, to child brides, to stealing etc. is now becoming a norm. Vote for democracy vote for democracy we have but what has it to offer us. Fair governance? Yeah right. Don’t be fair. Be protective. Protect us like your daughters. Would you be concerned about hurting a boy’s feeling when he comes to take your precious daughter out with a cigarette hanging from the corner of his lips and talking to her like his the one running the show and he owns her? Or telling her to go and change into something that suits him? That’s crazy!! Hurt some feelings if that’s what it takes to protect us.

In the last couple of years, a lot of innocent lives have been lost. Little girls getting married off to men old enough to be their fathers and grandfathers. Why, as a country are we letting this happen. It’s depressing.  Take away guns to prevent violence? What are you talking about? Violent offenders are criminals who don’t obey the law.

Admittedly, like I said before, I never use to follow politics before and even hated to look at it. I won’t even watch the news, so am not as educated on it as some people are. Well shame on me I know. I guess it’s time to get educated because at this rate, the way things are going, we’re on the verge of something big.  Everyone is mad and scared at what is going on in this country. At some point, a revolution of some degree is bound to happen if nothing is done.

All military personnel are under the oath to ‘support and defend the constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic’ abi isn't that written in black and white somewhere? Or is it just in my head? And we DO have domestic enemies. Our very own government!! Trying daily to change every piece of our great country into something toxic. Digging us into holes that we’ll never get out of. It’s scary. When do we stand up? How do we stand up?

I don’t even know where this came from. I guess am just tired. Tired of seeing hardworking people struggle. Tired of seeing educated people still struggling to get jobs. Tired of hearing women complain of a man who has a picture of his wife and children on his table, but yet still shamelessly asking a young woman to sleep with him to secure a job. (Personally experienced that too). Tired of seeing stock up looking women acting like bosses but shamelessly chasing that young man in the office and threatening to take his job from him if she doesn't have her way.

Things weren't this bad when I was a kid and that wasn't long ago. But hey maybe they have always being but I only had the eyes of an innocent child and didn't really see it. *shrugs* who knows? 

I guess I would stop ranting now. Time to educate myself because I didn't think ‘our’ country would ever be like this. How naive of me. Oh well. As usual stay beautiful and leave a comment.

Am Back

I don’t exactly like cats, but I like the picture.

Well some time ago I blogged. Feels like a century ago, but for too many reasons I had to stop and just chill. (That is apart from the fact that I had writer’s blog) yes I’m feeling like a writer and if you don’t like it sorry. The problem is not me is you. Hehehehehehe. Anyway sha so in the midst of my break, I have decided to come back; as I don’t want all that is in my head to remain in there and just give me one huge headache cause am constantly wondering about it. See I would tell you a little secret about me. (I know how to over process a thought) so since I don’t want to go koko like I said earlier, I have decided to come back to blogging. Besides I went to read some of my old blogs (clears throat) is wa. That’s all I can say. Oh yes and I say *sha* a lot. Forget all the poshness flowing through my veins. I just have to add abit of razz to make it even spicier. I went to London to see the queen and I think she amazingly influenced my broken English. Loool. I have no idea the kind of friends I made, but they speak mad broken English when they want to be razz. Dammit.

Anyway I picked that up somehow (I hear my mother cursing in different languages that I don’t understand under her breath). Yes my mother is one of those old English women who can’t stand to hear me speak broken English. Ps. she is Nigerian oh. Just an extremely colonized one who doesn’t remember what her country looks like. Anyway sha me I like it and hate it in this country. I see myself as a traveller, everywhere I go is home. I have a funny way of easily adapting as long as I have the right peeps around me. Okay back to the matter open and close...sorry I just know how to break into a song like that. Oh yes and I have this friend yeah, we like to use words to sing as long as the word reminds us of a song. Okay okay back to earth yes where was I? Oh yeah at the part where I was about to end this talk. Oya you people can drop your welcome comments below and please recommend other blogs I can excitingly stalk. Oh and don’t forget to follow my beautiful self and get others to follow me too. Did I just ask for followers you say, but of cause if I don’t have followers, am I going to be telling my awesome self all these stories? #sigh *major side eye* now go and do as I say…oya sorry no vex am not commanding you am begging telling…Call it whatever you like biko. Abeg bye bye. Stay beautiful and don’t forget like me you’re just amazing.