Tuesday, 10 May 2016

Who are you?

‘Don’t be too successful and chase the men away’ she said and I replied; ‘if a man is scared of my success then that’s not the kind of man I want to be with’…so I looked at him and asked ‘are men really scared of strong successful women?  He pauses for a while then says; ‘the honest truth is men like strong successful women and every woman wants same from her man but there is more going on than merely a meeting of the minds’.

Hmmm and that got me thinking right! What never really occurs to any of us is that:
We are being evaluated on far more than our most ‘impressive traits’.

Sometimes these traits come with a significant downside that is painful to acknowledge. Take me for example right! I’m a reasonable person (at least I think I am), I’m fairly independent, I’m smart, great sense of humor, I can hold a good conversation and so on; but right behind my good traits are a series of bad traits. Anyone who knows me to a certain level can testify to that:

The flip side of being bright is being opinionated
The flip side of being analytical is being difficult
The flip side of being funny is being sarcastic
The flip side of having moral clarity is being arrogant
The flip side of being entrepreneurial is being a workaholic
The flip side of being charismatic is being self-centred
The flip side of being a go-getter is being impatient

Again, NOT EVERY person who is bright is opinionated, and NOT EVERY person who is funny is sarcastic. But there’s enough anecdotal evidence to suggest a strong correlation. And I’m just talking about MYSELF here. So if my good qualities come with bad qualities, have you considered that yours might as well?

We all have that perception that it’s hard meeting people who would appreciate our qualities. I mean what we think is great and what we’re putting out there, and how people actually see us tends to be very different.

At some point I believed I was unlucky in love with a penchant for attracting emotionally unavailable men and assclowns. I often described myself as ambitious, a go-getter, outgoing, attractive, intelligent, and then some more. Whilst there is no escaping the fact that I did go out with men who acted like assclowns at some point, it was a bit of a shocker to discover that on a deeper, honest, reflection, I was aloof, picky, sarcastic, pushy, and often times difficult where I thought I was having fun and being ‘entertaining’.

It’s always very easy to focus on the surface qualities that we believe are our selling points and totally ignore other more important characteristics and behaviors that may possibly be impacting on our ability to have relationships. It doesn’t matter how intelligent, pretty/handsome or ambitious you are; if you’re afraid of commitment and subconsciously sabotaging anything that may lead to it.
There’s no point in being beautiful/handsome if you don’t act that way or harbor beliefs about your own abilities that impact on your self-esteem. We also have to accept that if we can find faults and flaws with others…that people will find those with us too. No one is perfect.

It’s not about taking the onus off the people that don’t appreciate us for who we are but it is about taking responsibility for who you are and recognizing that not everything about you is that wonderful. I used to be able to list countless faults (infact I could write a book if I had to) about the men I met and dated, but rarely paid attention to my own flaws. It’s so easy for us to mention the faults of others and not look at ours. It’s so easy to blame the ex on everything that went wrong in the relationship and forget we were also part of the relationship (it takes two to tango). At some point in my life I realized that, who I thought I was and who I really was had to reconcile and in that, I hope I’m able to forge far better relationships from an honest level.

So next time you bemoan your relationship luck and list your surface qualities, view yourself from another person’s perspective and even play back recent dates and scenes from previous relationships in your mind.

Could you be doing something differently?

Let me know your opinion

Xoxo Chantel 

Wednesday, 13 April 2016

Blogger & OAP Elsie Godwin, Releases New Photos to Celebrate another year in her life

Blogger & OAP, Elsie Godwin, Releases New Photos To Celebrate Her Birthday

Elsie Godwin, a final year student of Lagos State University, is a Nigerian Entrepreneur who has carved a niche as a prolific Lifestyle and Relationship online and on-air personality.
In 2014 she identified and saw the need to be heard, her strong opinion on relationship and lifestyle in general, led her to becoming a blogger hence the platform. That soon got her the attention of many from her strong and insightful posts on relationship and self-esteem amongst young people.

Today she reaches over 30k people daily online, her fame online has led to her founding the “hangout with Elsieisy platform”; a platform that gives room for her online family to meet her physically to share and discus their life experiences. This has created a connect amongst so many of her readers, built new opportunities for network and businesses within Elsians as she so fondly calls them.

She is currently the host of an online radio show on Happenings Radio called “Crux of the Matter” this is just to add to the responds and answers to the questions of many online.
She is also currently shooting a show on AQC AFRICA as the host of “Making the Stories”; a campus TV show design to introduce admission and requirements, guide students/ applicants through school activities and lifestyle around Africa.
Elsie is a God fearing woman, a passionate and visionary personality, she supports and believes in the agenda for a new and better Nigeria. She believes in freedom of expression and the need for less hypocrisy and more bluntness in the society.

See more photos 

Happy birthday Elsie

Styled by FloDee Clothing (Instagram – Flodeeco)
Hair by Xclusive Salon Wahala ( Instagram – Xclusivesalonwahala)
Make up by Rainbow Artistry (Instagram – Rainbows_artistry)

Wednesday, 30 March 2016

What happened to Romance?

First of happy new year! Let's pretend I've being here all along. 

Hold up! Before we get into the crux of the matter *takes a look at Elsie, wink wink*, let me make something very clear. I am not and I repeat I am not an overly romantic person. Maybe I’m just ‘old fashioned’ when it comes to dating? I don’t know.

But anyway, I’ve noticed a trend as of late that has made me stop and say something I never thought I would say

What happened to romance?

What happening to wooing? What happened to a guy asking a girl out on a date and getting to know each other? What happened to a guy making plans and picking a girl up from her house instead of asking her to meet you there? What happened to calling a girl to speak to her; instead of sending an endless stream of texts? Why are guys trying to arrange and cancel dates via BBM and Whats App? It’s awkward and unnatural, and honestly, kind of cowardly. And completely unromantic.

Social media has really changed the dating game. It not only creates a need for instant gratification, but it also creates a whole new set of barriers between people. Why bother making the effort to call a girl when you can just text her yeah? Or wait better still, text three girls at the same time? Why try to think on your feet and be charming in person, when you can analyse your every word before sending a carefully structured bbm or whats app message? And most importantly, why bother getting to know a girl when you can just look at her Instagram and Facebook profile?

I remember a guy who saying to me ‘let’s hang out’ and I’m like, ‘are you asking me out on a date’? Or are you asking me to ‘hang out’ like you would ask one of your male buddies? I mean like really though it’s just a date not a marriage proposal.

Call me old fashion, but I think the weirdness of these interactions should at least be addressed. No wooing, no lead up or getting to know each other. There was no effort at all. Are you really supposed to get to know someone in a crowded bar awkwardly sipping a cocktail as you try to decide if you should go ahead and have a third one or not?

I mean how much quicker can we move the dating game? Has the need for instant gratification become so great that we don’t even think it’s worth sharing a meal with a person if we don’t know for sure that it will work out? Technology essentially makes it effortless for guys and girls to get in tough these days. So why not put in a little effort somewhere else? Like on the actual date.

Why not add a little romance?

My opinion what’s yours?